I turned 30 this month.
I have a reliable test when it comes to judging what I've done in life. I always hark back to the time when I was 14 or 15. I imagine myself -- indomitable, unconquerable, uncompromising. And I ask myself if that young adult would've approved of whatever I have achieved today.
It would not be incorrect or harsh to say he would be sorely disappointed. In the three decades I have spent on this planet, I have ended up wasting most of my time in the last one. I have burnt myself over ambitions that deserved no attention; I gave my soul to these endeavors. I paid a heavy price.
It is disconcerting to know I am now supposed to be an adult. It is distressing to imagine the roads that are closed off to me, most temporarily but some permanently, simply because I made some fundamental mistakes.
So what's next? A painful retreat or a glorious charge into the melee once more?
You know what I am thinking.
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