The Push

So what do you do when you experience a sense of exasperation with your daily life?

You go to a flashback.

A year and a half ago, I recall a cold evening. Winter was leaving. I had ordered a couple of full Maggis and was sitting on the hard stone bench of a park. I was dreaming out loud. I was happy and I was sad. Over and above that I was content knowing that my feelings were sparked off by hope pure and childish - the sadness an acceptable corollary considering the dread that lingered in the background. A man with stunning white hair brought us the food. As I slurped the bland and then spicy concoction, I felt safe. I had little money, a superlatively untidy and stuffy room and some stupid ambitions.

Those were the best days of my life.

The flashback is more than simple nostalgia. 

It's a push.

Kafka

Kafka was crazy.

If you read his works you get the inexorable impression of a mind that was ruthlessly sardonic; a mind that hollowed out conventions with the deftness of a surgeon and the brute force of a sledgehammer – often in the same sentence. All of this in a backdrop that evoked a tinge of sadness or laughter – depending on how demented you felt while reading, say, The Castle or The Trial.

The above two works along with The Metamorphosis count as the most definitive examples of Kafkaesque literature among critics and general readers alike. My choice in celebration of his birthday week is titled Before the Law which achieves Zen-like profundity in its short, one page glimpse of life through the pen of a man who, to all outward appearance, was a lawyer and, from within, a peacock with the wildest flashes of insight wrapped in a coat of gloom and heavy irony.

It is only fitting that Kafka’s dying wish to never have his remaining stories and novels published was completely ignored by the custodian he chose for the task. The illusion of reason. The madness an inch beneath our veneer of civility. Kafka stood for this and more.

Here we go:
(translation by Ian Johnston at Vancouver Island University, Nanaimo, BC)

Before the Law

Before the law sits a gatekeeper. To this gatekeeper comes a man from the country who asks to gain entry into the law. But the gatekeeper says that he cannot grant him entry at the moment. The man thinks about it and then asks if he will be allowed to come in sometime later on. “It is possible,” says the gatekeeper, “but not now.” The gate to the law stands open, as always, and the gatekeeper walks to the side, so the man bends over in order to see through the gate into the inside. When the gatekeeper notices that, he laughs and says: “If it tempts you so much, try going inside in spite of my prohibition. But take note. I am powerful. And I am only the most lowly gatekeeper. But from room to room stand gatekeepers, each more powerful than the other. I cannot endure even one glimpse of the third.” The man from the country has not expected such difficulties: the law should always be accessible for everyone, he thinks, but as he now looks more closely at the gatekeeper in his fur coat, at his large pointed nose and his long, thin, black Tartar’s beard, he decides that it would be better to wait until he gets permission to go inside. The gatekeeper gives him a stool and allows him to sit down at the side in front of the gate. There he sits for days and years. He makes many attempts to be let in, and he wears the gatekeeper out with his requests. The gatekeeper often interrogates him briefly, questioning him about his homeland and many other things, but they are indifferent questions, the kind great men put, and at the end he always tells him once more that he cannot let him inside yet. The man, who has equipped himself with many things for his journey, spends everything, no matter how valuable, to win over the gatekeeper. The latter takes it all but, as he does so, says, “I am taking this only so that you do not think you have failed to do anything.” During the many years the man observes the gatekeeper almost continuously. He forgets the other gatekeepers, and this first one seems to him the only obstacle for entry into the law. He curses the unlucky circumstance, in the first years thoughtlessly and out loud; later, as he grows old, he only mumbles to himself. He becomes childish and, since in the long years studying the gatekeeper he has also come to know the fleas in his fur collar, he even asks the fleas to help him persuade the gatekeeper. Finally his eyesight grows weak, and he does not know whether things are really darker around him or whether his eyes are merely deceiving him. But he recognizes now in the darkness an illumination which breaks inextinguishably out of the gateway to the law. Now he no longer has much time to live. Before his death he gathers in his head all his experiences of the entire time up into one question which he has not yet put to the gatekeeper. He waves to him, since he can no longer lift up his stiffening body. The gatekeeper has to bend way down to him, for the great difference has changed things considerably to the disadvantage of the man. “What do you still want to know now?” asks the gatekeeper. “You are insatiable.” “Everyone strives after the law,” says the man, “so how is it that in these many years no one except me has requested entry?” The gatekeeper sees that the man is already dying and, in order to reach his diminishing sense of hearing, he shouts at him, “Here no one else can gain entry, since this entrance was assigned only to you. I’m going now to close it.”

Flashback Time

After months of painful deprivation and mortal turmoil I feel the impending omen of a collapse. Sucked into a bottomless whirlpool of ruin the only consolation is the revival of my reading habits (three books a week). What started off as a journey full of the effervescence of the mind's hopeful imagination has fizzled out on a dark, deserted dead end in an unknown land.

Nothing symbolizes the dramatic denouement of my life than the loss of a dear friend. Owing to a location made permanent by my job, I bid farewell to 9045589130. 

It was in my second year that I sent out messages to friends and family informing them of the experiment, or so I called, of changing my service provider to Docomo. The number wasn't chosen by me, nor was I personally present when the SIM was procured. I just took the number.

We hit off immediately. I used the number like crazy. Mornings and evenings and classroom sessions by Profs, late night gossip and SOS calls back home - 9045589130 was with me through thick and thin. My life's secrets were with it and so were my recurrent failures and occasional triumphs. It was a great partnership. 

Third year brought forth an intellectual flourishing never expected by a boy completing a degree he had no intention of taking in the first place. Fourth year had dizzying heights and nauseous lows and ended with a broken leg that all but laid the foundation of my detachment from the world. 

9045589130 stood firm and solid.

It was only in the summer of 2012 that cracks in our relationship emerged. Money was never an impediment but the distance of my beloved number from its motherland took a toll I could scarcely predict. The strain was obvious; its utility had declined and it experienced black-outs when the effort to connect was too large. My faith was unwavering.

Bangalore in the year 2013 changed it all. What was then a weakness, a minor and easily ignored fissure became a gaping crack. I could only do so much to stall the doom that destiny had laid out for me.

And now that I have already bade farewell, a lingering flame of hope remains. I may go back to you, 9045589130 but you'll have to wait. Months have passed but my unflinching loyalty is unquestionable.

Farewell.

HWR-7

I had a choice between writing another long and winding philosophical discourse on the nature of the human mind on one hand, and putting up a Weekly Round-up on the other. Laziness wins hands down.

1. Facebook's IPO was much talked about before it came out and is much maligned now after falling from the lofty heights of expectation. Some people made a lot of money.
2. The Great Gatsby evoked mixed opinions on aspects such as the casting, the use of 3 D and the interpretation of the original book. My favourite review.
3. Stephen Fry nearly killed himself. Seriously.
4. The best review of Sheryl Sandberg's Lean In. A tad over-critical maybe but excellent analysis overall.

That's it for now. I am going back to that long and winding article once more. Stay tuned.

Haaris' Weekly Round-up - 6

Yup, it's still called a Weekly Round-up. I've spent three whole months in Bangalore and I have spent most of that period fixing things. Dealing with machines is tough because there are so many things that can go wrong. You might have a huge and complicated miracle of German Engineering producing high quality low cost products with interlocks and warrantees and all that it takes is one needle bearing to feel blue for the entire plant to come to a standstill. I've fixed a drier with a Hungarian dude who had one eye on the job and the other on how I could get him to a place with hooters (don't ask). I've had an entire pressure vessel replaced and tested with a tighter-than-a-dwarf's-bum schedule (I worked 14 hours for a month without holidays for that one). I've completed a crash course of sorts in kinematics. I've experienced week lag - a unique condition where you can't tell the day of the week because you've been working without any respect for the global convention of relieving weekends and frustrating Mondays.

Life couldn't have been harsher. A smart reader will now expect me to say something on the lines of, "And yet it was a brilliant experience." I will do nothing of that sort. It was stressful, strenuous and tortuous. I lost 8 kilos and a lot more besides fat.

I think I should stop right there. I was about to embark on another round-up and I ended up wasting valuable blog post material. Some other post then...

I'll soon be celebrating May Day with a mid-week holiday and here's the sort of links you should read if you are also part of a factory establishment (failing which you'll probably be on your way to work or to an exam).

1. A brilliant response from Chris Anderson who is the curator of TED to "fears" expressed by luminaries such as Deepak Chopra on TED's apparent censorship of "speculative" subjects. A must read.
2. Vincent Vega's red car from Pulp Fiction, Lost and Found.
3. A defence of the emoticon by a guy who really doesn't seem to like them so much.
4. The moment we all would have waited for if we had known John le Carre was writing another book. I did mention him in a previous round-up and I have read some of his other books since. Here's an abridged version of A Delicate Truth in the Guardian.

That's it for now. I generally like to have five links but I haven't managed to read anything worth putting here.

H

Remembering a Great Voice

On 24th April, we lost one of the most unique voices in Indian mainstream music. I am talking, of course, about Shamshad Begum. With a voice that was as surili as it was raspy she will always be remembered for some memorable songs. In this short post, I wanted to upload one of my favourite songs, Teri Mehfil Mein Qismat from Mughal-e-Azam. It's a contest between Lata Mangeshkar (Madhubala) and Shamshad Begum (Nigar Sultana). Discerning friends will also remember this song from a question I asked in the first Haaris Quiz.

Shamshad Begum wins the contest IMHO.

Another great but somewhat obscure (nowadays anyway) song with the same pair singing would be Door Koi Gaye from Baiju Bawra but I would recommend you to listen to the song since I couldn't find a video that did justice to it.

Break a Leg

I am not sure how to start this post so I'll let the video do all the talking. The first time I ever danced on stage. Milestone.

Not too bad for starters.

H

(Update: I am the guy who enters from the right in Urvashi and moves forward. Forward right. Stop looking at the others.)

(Update-II: I am the guy at the center later in Muqabla)